They don't have to be deal breakers, but they do need to be addressed honestly and openly between the two of you.
I think the "when you're older you may change your mind" is something you probably shouldn't dismiss out of hand. You probably should admit it to yourself, at least, that yes, this could be a possibility -- and what if? That goes into the list of "things we need to address honestly and openly".
My now-wife of 15 years this past October is a year and a half older than me. Also, keep in mind there's nothing that says you absolutely have to get married next week or next month or next year. Age in relation to childbearing for her may be an issue, but Age can be an issue, but as issues go it's almost certainly not the most important one. From her point of view, it's not how you feel now that matters, it's how you will feel in 5 or 10 years. From a 31 year-old's perspective, 23 is still an age where you're figuring out who you are.
If you get to 27 and suddenly decide your life's ambition is to be a merchant marine, she doesn't want to left feeling like she invested 4 years for nothing. You may not see yourself that way, but that doesn't prove anything. There's also the issue of relative aging. When you're 35 and she's 43, will you still be attracted to her? Idealism says yes, paranoia says probably not. I tend to think these things can work. I had a 3 year relationship with a woman 14 years older than me.
The things that drove us were not age issues and we are still very good friends. Oh, and please don't say "trial basis" because it sounds cold. The age difference isn't the problem, but your youth might be.
Based on my experience: There's a LOT of growing that happens there. In 7 years, you will be an utterly different person from who you are now. She will likely be a very similar person to who she is now. This might mean that it doesn't work out, or maybe you'll be an even better fit. Either way, no one knows the future: Completely true--if she's the one, do it; at 22 I didn't want to settle down for ten more years, and then I met my older wife and wanted to be married and have babies with her, like, yesterday. One bit of advice: That's taking it to another level that already presumes a serious commitment, makes you have to deal with more issues than you should have to right away before the relationship's cemented and she's somewhat older and likely more set in her ways and flexibility is a key to sharing a home together successfully , and might make breaking it off harder than it needs to be if it's not working out i.
The uniqueness of living in a foreign city ought to keep you pretty well together enough as it is without having to share a house together right away.
Happily married 14 years with a nine year old child she had at age The only time it's an issue is when I make a pop culture reference and she doesn't get it. I've long since stopped expecting her to catch my Simpsons quotes and she knows I'm not going to recognize any John Denver lyrics that aren't about sunshine on shoulders.
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As some others have said, I would be more concerned about the age you're at now. I was 27 when I got married to her. If you're a mature 23 years old and you're absolutely sure what The Rest Of Your Life means, go for it. The age difference is not the problem. What she is saying she feels is the problem. The breakup may take another 6 months or a year to complete, but she started it yesterday. That said, the progression of your relationship 2 weeks to serious dating! Not impossible to maintain fast, but, well, Really Fast.
Check out this TED Talk by Scott Stanley called Sliding vs Deciding, and it might give you some perspective on how this relationship has unfolded so far. I'll give you a hint, she is correct that breaking up before the big travel happens is much easier than after, in many ways. I don't think the age factor is actually the main issue here for what it's worth, I've seen older-woman-younger-man relationships go both ways; one couple I know is happily married and I often forget that they are not close in age, while another couple is constantly fighting because they are obviously at very different stages in their life and do not seem to want the same things.
The main issue seems to be that you're compromising everything for this relationship she seems to be compromising nothing at all. If you truly want to make these compromises, great! But if it feels like a compromise, rather than a decision your are making happily, then odds are good that you will eventually come to resent her for "making" you change so much of your life plan.
Sure, relationships require a lot of compromise, but they also require approximately equal give and take. It doesn't sound like your relationship is equal in this regard. Plus, there is the fact that, as bilabial points out, it doesn't particularly sound like she wants to be in this relationship anyway, even if she hasn't explicitly said so.
I'm 10 years younger than my wife, and the age hasn't been much of an issue besides gentle ribbing over what was popular culture when we were kids. You start by asking about the age-difference, but then describe a whole lot of problems that exist in couples regardless of age. Put the 'age difference' in your back pocket, as a nice clean thing to blame if the relationship fails; if you want to address the real situation at hand, look at the actual issues causing you to both rethink your future plans together.http://tf.nn.threadsol.com/migam-android-smartphone-track.php
Man eight years younger than woman. Will this work? - older dating long | Ask MetaFilter
You can get over them, but if you treat it like age is the issue -- something neither of you can control -- you're not going to fix or recognize the true problems. My 28 year old cousin met and married her husband when he was 22 and they've been together for 15 years now and have three kids.
So the age difference in and of itself isn't necessarily a problem. I'm not sure "you might not be interested anymore in a few years" has to do with how she feels about you personally so much as you in the abstract. It seems totally reasonable for her to be acutely aware that women in general have a much shorter window in which men in general find them attractive. Whether she's going to continue to be anxious about it could be an issue, and it would indeed be a good idea to subject yourself to some serious and potentially painful self-examination on this subject, as Frowner suggested.
But I'm not sure she's going to be able to get over it either.
The Pros and Cons of Dating a Younger Man
Or maybe she's afraid she'll never be able to break up with you because you've invested so much. She's afraid and the only way you can reassure her is to act steadfastly as you say you will. It sounds like you want to do that but make sure you do. And make sure she actually wants you, not just a guy now that she's It's one of those internet observations that goes from being "this is sort of true a lot of the time mostly because of [SOCIAL FACTORS] and there are lots and lots of exceptions" to being "this is an iron-clad rule that derives from our biology and applies to everyone so suck it up ladies".
And the more it gets repeated as if it were an inherent truth, the more "truthful" it becomes - it acquires the force of a truth because everyone decides to believe it. Totally agree with AzraelBrown. Based on her history and beliefs, she wants an older guy because that means that there's a higher chance that he'll want to settle and is ok with settling which is not always true of course. You can try to convince her otherwise until you're blue in the face, but what she believes is what she believes. I think the question for both of you right now is, are you at a point in your lives, and in your relationship, where you are ready to commit to each other, for life?
It sounds like no, based on what you say here: She wants to settle down. For her, you're not it, and possibly, the relationship is not it. Age might be one of many reasons why she's having doubts, there might be other reasons maybe having to do with you, maybe having to do with her. Put aside the age gap in your conversations and see where you land at the end of those discussions. We originally met when he was 18 years old and he was attending a fan club convention that I was co-hosting. At that time I remember thinking he was nice and seemed very intelligent and more mature than most year-old guys I'd known, but nevertheless I still thought of him as a "kid.
Then four years after we'd first met we went together with three other friends on a trip to England for a fan club convention. During that trip he and I often sat and talked late into the night over coffee or a few beers about stuff other than the band we both liked and it turned out that we had a lot in common. He was a pop culture junkie, like me, and remembered many of the toys and such of my youth because his older brother had them. We started dating shortly after that, even though he lived in Cincinnati and I lived in Detroit.
After a few months he mentioned he was thinking about moving to Detroit to be closer to me, what did I think? To be honest, I didn't have to think twice - I was all in favor of it. I had no hesitation, second thoughts, etc, even though Mr. Adams was two years younger than my youngest brother, the age difference no longer concerned me.
- ftc online dating case.
- dating someone behind your parents back.
Oh, and neither one of us wanted to have children, so that's another consideration.